Thursday, December 21, 2006
Meg's Book - Chapter 2 - The Kitchen Chamber
Trivia - When I first wrote this chapter, I didn't realize that Emma had a two-month old baby herself, so was available as a wet nurse for little Mary. This gave me the opportunity to go back and edit these scenes to make sense with Emma nursing.
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2007
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February
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- Meg's Book - Chapter XXX - John Hendricks
- Meg's Book - Chapter XXIX - Of Mice and Men
- Meg's Book - Chapter XXVIII - The Wagon Trail
- Meg's Book - Chapter XXVII - Salt Lake Valley
- Meg's Book - Chapter XXVI-D - Winter Quarters
- Meg's Book - Chapter XXVI-C - Iowa
- Meg's Book - Chapter XXVI-B - Eternity and Time
- Meg's Book - Chapter XXVI-A - Birthdays
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January
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- Meg's Book - Chapter XXVII - The Old Fort
- Meg's Book - Chapter XXVI - Winter Quarters
- Meg's Book - Chapter XXV - Proxies
- Meg's Book - Chapter XXIV - Light and Truth
- Meg's Book - Chapter XXIII - The Tree of Life
- Meg's Book - Chapter XXII - Carthage
- Meg's Book - Chapter XXI - June in Nauvoo
- Meg's Book - Chapter XX - Jane
- Meg's Book - Chapter 25Z - Revision
- Meg's Book - Chapter 26 - The Hearth
- Meg's Book - Chapter 25 - Sacrifice
- Meg's Book - Chapter 24 - The Virgin
- Meg's Book - Chapter 23 - Invitation
- Meg's Book - Chapter 22 - Nonsense
- Meg's Book - Chapter 29 - High Council
- Meg's Book - Chapter 28 - Revelation
- Meg's Book - Chapter 27 - Missionaries
- Meg's Book - Chapter 26 - The Handshake
- Meg's Book - Chapter 25 - Lucinda
- Meg's Book - Chapter 24 - Death and Rage
- Meg's Book - Chapter 23 - Hell and Damnation
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February
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5 comments:
KTB wrote:
It is a good story Meg, please take my comments yesterday, about looking for more detail, as a compliment. It is an interesting piece, and I appreciate the opportunity to be able to read it.
No comments for Chapter 2, other than I had never heard of the Extermination Order until now ( http://www.jwha.info/mmff/exorder.htm ). Is it documented anywhere if the mob in Chapter 1 was militarily directed, or civilians taking things into their own hands? In this case, reading from the URL sited, there may not be much of a distinction.
Meg replies:
Wow, it didn't even occur to me to mention the Extermination Order in my little explanation, because I take it completely for granted. It was wild as a child to know I could be legally killed in Missouri (not that anyone would really do such a thing or cite the Order as a legitimate defense in the 1970's).
I am really getting engaged by the story. My one comment on something that drew me out of the story was the repetition of the word 'children' which occurred a few times and which could easily be corrected.
Again, I would like to see more of Elvira's thoughts or other's reactions:
- when she asks if Marietta will be alright.
- when she enters the cabin where Emma is taking care of Marietta.
- when she goes up the stairs to talk with the children and pasteS the smile on her face.
- when she's telling them it's fun to pretend to be new settlers
- when they come home at the end of the day (what is there is either too much or too little).
Other stuff:
- "endless loop"
- ID Jonathan rather than saying 'man lying near the kitchen chamber'
- rephrase "Sarah shook her head - sounds like she doesn't want to see her mother.
- clarify if it is Job or Elvira who is asserting 'that just wasn't fair!'
- terror had struck - rephrase so Ohio doesn't sound like a town in Missouri
- tarred and feathered near Kirtland - include state, and wasn't it in Hiram?
The story is so good, Meg! Congratulations!!!!
How big is this house? Is it rustic or is it a mansion? The visual picture I have so far is of a modest home, where someone would descend from the stairs into a main room. If someone is ‘reaching the main level’ I think of elevators and big! I don’t have much of an idea what type of home this is yet, knowing that would make the book more historically interesting to me
E-mailed other comments.
Elvira’s inner voice is much more natural this chapter. You write children well.
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