Thursday, December 21, 2006

Meg's Book - Chapter 2 - The Kitchen Chamber

Trivia - When I first wrote this chapter, I didn't realize that Emma had a two-month old baby herself, so was available as a wet nurse for little Mary. This gave me the opportunity to go back and edit these scenes to make sense with Emma nursing.

5 comments:

daughterofheaven said...

KTB wrote:

It is a good story Meg, please take my comments yesterday, about looking for more detail, as a compliment. It is an interesting piece, and I appreciate the opportunity to be able to read it.

No comments for Chapter 2, other than I had never heard of the Extermination Order until now ( http://www.jwha.info/mmff/exorder.htm ). Is it documented anywhere if the mob in Chapter 1 was militarily directed, or civilians taking things into their own hands? In this case, reading from the URL sited, there may not be much of a distinction.

Meg replies:

Wow, it didn't even occur to me to mention the Extermination Order in my little explanation, because I take it completely for granted. It was wild as a child to know I could be legally killed in Missouri (not that anyone would really do such a thing or cite the Order as a legitimate defense in the 1970's).

Pat said...

I am really getting engaged by the story. My one comment on something that drew me out of the story was the repetition of the word 'children' which occurred a few times and which could easily be corrected.

wbs said...

Again, I would like to see more of Elvira's thoughts or other's reactions:
- when she asks if Marietta will be alright.
- when she enters the cabin where Emma is taking care of Marietta.
- when she goes up the stairs to talk with the children and pasteS the smile on her face.
- when she's telling them it's fun to pretend to be new settlers
- when they come home at the end of the day (what is there is either too much or too little).

Other stuff:
- "endless loop"
- ID Jonathan rather than saying 'man lying near the kitchen chamber'
- rephrase "Sarah shook her head - sounds like she doesn't want to see her mother.
- clarify if it is Job or Elvira who is asserting 'that just wasn't fair!'
- terror had struck - rephrase so Ohio doesn't sound like a town in Missouri
- tarred and feathered near Kirtland - include state, and wasn't it in Hiram?

dd said...

The story is so good, Meg! Congratulations!!!!
How big is this house? Is it rustic or is it a mansion? The visual picture I have so far is of a modest home, where someone would descend from the stairs into a main room. If someone is ‘reaching the main level’ I think of elevators and big! I don’t have much of an idea what type of home this is yet, knowing that would make the book more historically interesting to me
E-mailed other comments.

las said...

Elvira’s inner voice is much more natural this chapter. You write children well.

About Me

Mother, Physicist, Manager, Author, Genealogist